Monday, April 5, 2010

Writers Block: What's Meant For Me

I have always been in love with the idea of being in love, i see it in the movies and it looks like the happiest a girl can ever get. She finds the perfect guy, he sweeps her off her feet, buys her flowers "just because", knows all of her little quirks and laughs, then takes her to the most unbelievable spot, drops down on one knee and asks to spent an eternity with her. Then i look at my own life and see none of that. All ive ever gotten from a guy is a headache, no gifts, flowers only when he did something wrong, the sound of marriage makes them run the other way. It wasn't until 6 months ago that i finally envisioned my wedding day. I usually don't think about certain things until i get closer to that step, and if i haven't gotten to the step before it than there's no point in thinking about anything to far ahead. I barely keep boyfriends consistently for over a year so there's no point in thinking about my wedding. I fell in love with a guy last year that i fell for so hard i finally thought marriage was possible. I connected with him in a way i never have with anyone else. He seemed so perfect, too perfect honestly so that should have been a sign that something about him wasn't right. Unfortunately i was right and we broke up. It hurt that i allowed myself to love someone that never saw a future with me. For once id like to find someone that wants to have a future, with me in it. Not just "talk" about the things they wanna be for me, but BE the things they wanna be for me. Im a good woman, friend, lover, and i deserve the best from a guy. Not headaches, making me cry, disappointing me, lying to me. I know there are good guys out there, i just wish i knew one when i saw one. Im not sure whats meant for me. Am i solely meant to be in love only to be hurt so that i can help others not make the same mistakes i have? I feel like im a crash test dummy, i just wanna be that girl that lives happily ever after. Until then im happy just being by myself.

Written By: MiQah

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