If you are in a relationship and one of your exes "randomly" calls you to see how you are doing, please know its not for innocent reasons. Know the signs of trouble.
If you are broken up with an ex, everyone knows the best way to move on is to cut all ties with them. When you start a new relationship, the best thing for you to do is start fresh without the baggage.
So now you have been in a relationship, a happy one, and an ex reaches out, do you allow that? If you want to hear what the ex has to say, thats fine but under NO CIRCUMSTANCES to you let the communication continue! If the ex is trying to get back into your life THERES A REASON!! Ill let you know from experience its never a good reason. If your ex is even thinking about you then they havent moved on. That innocent situation can get from bad to worse.
If your partner is not cool with the opened lines of communication then STOP. The only way its ok is if you were already cool with them BEFORE the relationship so that the partner knows up front and they will have the choice whether to be a part of that new relationship or not. But NEVER rehash an old relationship well into your new one, that will raise many suspicions.
What people must know is if the ex knows you are in a new relationship and they continue to interact with them like "they used to", please know they DON'T respect you or your relationship. Dont tell me "she got a man, she don't want me".. if she had a man she'd be respecting her own relationship and NOT reaching out to your ass... i bet if her man knew what she was doing then he'd have the very same issue with her actions. The ex does not care how she is affecting your relationship, and thats not a person that truly cares about you, so why bring that person back in the picture?
If you respect your relationship then leave that ex where they belong, GONE! Its not about the partner being insecure, its about them being smart enough to see when something isn't right and acting on it.
If you want a lasting relationship than leave your exes in your PAST!!!!!!!!
Happy Wife, Happy Life March 14th 2011
Fellas, You wanna know how to have a lasting relationship??? KEEP US WOMEN HAPPY! As long as the woman is not happy, NOTHING will be happy.. Ask any old head how their 35 year marriage has lasted so long, most likely they will say "just go along with whatever the wife says". When the woman is happy then everything else will continue to be in working order. The woman keeps everything together, especially in a family setting with children. We take care of the kids, the home front, do all the cooking, chores, carpooling, keeping track of all the bills, organization, errands, and lastly we keep our man happy in bed. All the men need to do is keep their dick in their pants, maintain loyalty and bring home the bacon.
Dont argue with us, its a losing battle for you. We will always have the last word (whether we're right or wrong) and we remember EVERYTHING you say so if you contradict yourself be prepared for us to throw it at you during a fight. Do you wanna be happy or do you wanna be right??? The choice is yours, but if you want a happy relationship then cater to your woman and pick your battles with her. Let some shit roll over... its not worth the attitude your woman is gonna give you for the rest of the week.
Make sure you make your woman feel special everyday. Like Rihanna sings make her feel like the only girl in the world. As long as you are giving us a daily boost of compliments it will benefit you in the long run. Notice the small changes she makes. If she changes her hair, new outfit, smells good, TELL HER! You will stay in her good graces.
Most importantly when we talk to you, we dont want you to fix our problems or even want your input, we just want you to LISTEN!!!! Just seem interested in whatever she wants to talk about (even if you could care less). Thats very important to a woman. If i talk about my nail polish for 20 mins, my boyfriend will give me 100% of his attention out of respect for me. The more you are interested in our interests the more we will be open to yours. Now that my boyfriend shows interests in my favorite things now i watch and talk about sports with him more consistently. It makes us more open to the things you enjoy.
Do not make constant negative observations about us. We are already self conscious about ourselves as it is, dont add to it. Dont tell us you hate our hair a certain way, or we wear too much makeup, thats not up to you to say. When we ASK for your opinion only THEN do you give us your observation. Something like that will ruin our entire mood. Dont pick us apart, women hate that.
Moral of the story is, the woman is always right, compromise, and just agree (even if you dont want to) and you will have a happier woman..
Lesson Learned: 10 Tips On Relationships March 13th 2011
I have been through a series of relationships... 7 to be exact. All but one were good, the rest were bad situations. But i managed to come out of all these situations taking my lessons with me and hoping to help someone with the mistakes i endured over the years. I was always in love with the idea of being in love, a hopeless romantic as they call it. I believed if i found someone that had the same viewpoints on love as i did, we would have that storybook love you see in the movies. Unfortunately its not that simple, you will be very lucky if you get it right first time. Here are some things i have learned that maybe you can take with you in your travels to find love.
-Tip #1: Do Not "Love Hop"
From the age of 16 i was constantly in a relationship, i was never single.. if i ended one relationship id jump right into another one to soothe the pain. That does temporarily help but if you are not fully over the last person you will complicate the new situation.. leading to a big headache. You will have issues that you blame the new guy for before he even steps foot in the door. A person will only deal with that mess for only so long. Another reason why its good to have a gap between relationships is because you need time to process what has happened, and to get yourself make together. When u left the other relationship most times we feel like that person was a part of us and now we no longer feel whole. You cannot go into another relationship not feeling good enough to stand on your own two feet. Be okay being alone, otherwise you will develop dependency issues.
-Tip #2: Believe the Signs..
When we first fall in love with someone you feel like you are on a natural high, so its hard to see things that may not seem right. Keep your eyes open to what is going on around you, don't lose sight of that. Also if your gut is showing you things that don't seem right DON'T IGNORE IT! You will ALWAYS look back and know your gut feelings were right. Even if you don't understand why you feel that way. If something doesn't seem right, most likely it isn't.. we have that sensor inside of us for a reason. Intuition takes us ladies a long way. If you think hes cheating, sweetie most likely he is, screw playing interrogator or inspector gadget.. it just will make you seem insecure.. if you gotta do all that then you don't trust him, and if you don't trust him you shouldn't be with him.
-Tip#3: Cut the Cord..
Whatever decision you decide to make with your relationship, make it and wash your hands of it.. the thinking is meant to be made BEFORE you make the decision NOT after. Feel ok about what you do so that there is no regret in the future. We have a tendency to be very see-sawish about things and let ppl deter our decisions so easily. It shouldn't be that simple for someone to do that. Make your own decisions and then stick with it.
-Tip#4: You Deserve what you put up with
If you KNOW what you are dealing with is Bullshit... and everyone and they mama told you shit wasn't right and you still fucking with them?? Don't blame anyone but yourself.. seems like we get in a state of denial hoping it isn't true. Denial doesn't change a situation, it only causes more frustration in the relationship. No one should be in a relationship where theres an obvious Elephant in the room. Deal with the problems promptly at hand. If you let them Bullshit you they will happily continue to do it, its not affecting them like it is you.. If its your first time dealing with something its understandable, but if you KNOW whats happening and you are simply holding on to hope, then shame on you, snap out of it and come back to reality.
-Tip#5: YOU CANT CHANGE A MAN
How many times does this have to be spoken about before women get this, no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, you CANT CHANGE A MAN!!!!!!! They will do what they want to do no matter how you contribute to it. They will change when they want to change. If you ever hear a man say "i want you to mold me", or "i know you can help me be a better man".. its BULLSHIT.. You knew who he was before, and it wont stop because you are in the picture.. you think it is but he's just keeping those flaws more dormant and out of your sight. When a man tells you or shows you who they are, BELIEVE IT!!! Theres nothing you can do to correct that mans wrongs... you can change their clothes, but that's about it, the loser is still under those clothes.
-Tip#6: Know who YOU are
Alot of women think they need a man to help them define who they are. We all love a warm spot next to us in the bed but believe me when i tell you that when you find happiness all by yourself you will feel 10 times better about life than finding it when a man enters your life. If you cant go to the movies by yourself or enjoy a day without anyone around you all day, then you are not self sufficient. The only people we should be that attached to is our family. If they love you they will stick around.. and men can see when you are okay with yourself, makes you more appealing to them. Theres nothing worse than a woman that seems weak, cant stand on her own feet. If you can act like you will be fine without them it will make them appreciate you alot more, and will work hard to make sure not to lose you.
-Tip#7: Accept them for who they are or leave
Like i said before you cannot change someone, if they aren't compatible and you aren't willing to stick it out then its not going to work. No one is perfect so if you are expecting perfect compatibility then you are in for a rude awakening. A relationship basically is dealing with the cards you were dealt. If you love someone you will be willing to tolerate their flaws (just make sure the flaws aren't bad things that will hurt your relationship).. Love someone for them, there is no such thing as perfection. There always be something he does that totally irks you (ie: doesn't put down the toilet seat, snores, sloppy, stubborn) but that's THEM.. if they aren't willing to change it or compromise then let it be.. its not the worst thing in the world.
-Tip#8: NO EXES!!!!!!!
When you are in a relationship on NO levels is it ok to still have your exes in your life!!!! I don't care what you think is ok, THIS IS NOT OK!! They are an ex for a reason, leave them in your past. Its not fair for the new mate to deal with this. It doesn't matter if y'all are "friends" or one is in a relationship so they shouldn't have to worry about anything, its bullshit and that person deep down isn't ok with it. Cut that mess OFF!!
-Tip#9: Don't just meet their representative
Most times the person we fall in love with is the person they want us to see.. so basically don't rush into anything.. take it slow. Time will eventually reveal someones true colors. Their representative is the person you first see on the surface. Also don't look at that person as being the one you settle down with.. have no expectations so that you wont be so disappointed when it doesn't pan out the way you thought it would.
-Tip#10: Don't FIGHT fate
If that man loves you he isn't going anywhere. If that man is asking to be let out, LET HIM!!! Don't fight to keep him around, you will seem desperate. You should NEVER have to break your back to keep him around. Let that man walk out the door if he wants to.. and let HIM regret the decision.. you didn't make it.. HE did. If he left then he didn't appreciate you for who you were. Also VERY IMPORTANT, don't blame yourself for why it didn't work out unless its obvious it was something you did. You can do EVERYTHING right but if that man isn't ready for a commitment he will leave you or screw you over. (CANNOT CHANGE A MAN to be ready).. So don't beat yourself up about why he left.. when he says "Its not you its me.." hes telling the TRUTH. If he loves you he will come back, keep your dignity and don't chase him.
I hope these help for the women pursuing a healthy relationship... sometimes you have to experience things, learn from them in order to prosper in life. I have been through every messed up thing in relationships but I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life and I'm SINGLE!! I don't have excess baggage, no exes I'm still messing with, I'm not bitter.. when the right man comes along i will know all the right things to do. If he leaves, *shrugs* fuck it.. :)
Writers Block: By Monique Davis March 13th 2011
I wanted to create this blog to inspire women by my writing about my personal relationships and giving advice based off of them. I posted over time the things ive written within the past couple of years. In January i had endured another failed relationship, and for the first time i dont wanna write about it. Maybe i will in time but just not now, not yet. I dont wanna dwell on it, i just wanna focus on being happy. My best work used to come from heartache, but im hoping my new writings will be able to come from joy as well. Please be patient with me, it just has to come to me. This is how im dealing with my heartache, simply moving on to better things.
Not All Men Are Bad March 13th 2011
I have heard for so many years that all men are trash, and that good men do not exist. I myself felt that way for many years, with many reasons to confirm it. But i realized that maybe, just maybe i had a little something to do with the failures ive come across. These are the men that I chose, and everything they did to me was just because i was who they had the opportunity to do those bad things to. If it wasnt me it would have been someone else, i realized it wasnt personal. These men had alot of growing up to do, and it was my fault for allowing these men to stand next to me as if they deserved me. So basically the more you learn about yourself and how you feel about YOU, then the answers will become more clear as to why these things continue to happen to you. Of course what these men do aren't right, its actually inhumane to me, BUT i continued to accept these things and did not have standards for myself. Once i realized what i was worth and what i deserved, i was able to sift out the BullS**t men out of my life to make room for men with more potential. I also had to be ok with myself completely as well, be happy whether i was with someone or not. You cannot solely depend on one individual to keep you happy in LIFE. All they are responsible for is making you happy in your relationship, but if you are not happy in life overall it will make the relationship strenuous. Be able to carry your own weight, and if you have a good man he will take that weight off of you. A woman that feels good about HERSELF will attract a good man. I promise you they are out there. So when you see yourself in a terrible relationship just look in the mirror and ask yourself "what are YOU gonna do about that?". Its just that simple, the key to having a good man is in US. Discover your own strength and you will go far in life. I hope this helps someone, and if you have anything to add to this feel free to comment. Good men DO EXIST!!!!