Sunday, April 10, 2011

Who Are You?

When you look in the mirror who do you see? Is it the same person everyone outside your window sees? Who do you believe? Yourself or everyone that passes an opinion your way? Your identity is what puts your mark in this world, a part of your legacy when you leave it. Unfortunately many people struggle with this simple concept of knowing who they are.

People have identity issues for so many reasons. It could be a matter of ethnic background, insecurity with their physical appearance, the need to fit in a certain group of people in society. Whatever the reason may be we all have had a certain question fall into your brain, "Who am i"?

Its so important to not only know who you are, but to own it and have no regrets about it. Otherwise you will be adding to the list of things in life that will give you frustration. Having an identity also helps you solidify your confidence, command respect without having to fight for it. Theres nothing worse than not knowing who you are and what you stand for.

Some people live decades before coming to terms with who they are. I am 27 and i didnt "find myself" until i was 25. You go through so much in life and the older you get you realize "this is who i am and its okay". You get more comfortable with yourself as the years go by. I grew up with a biracial mother, and spent the majority of my years living in the suburbs. I was never exposed to the things inner city people have. I went to schools where until highschool i was the only black girl in the classroom. No one looked like me. I didnt grow up with much money but wasnt on welfare. My parents did the best they could to not expose me to their struggles. Never lived in a house, moved from apartment to apartment ever 2 years due to evictions. Never got an allowance like most white families do for their kids. Long story short just because i grew up in white areas didnt mean i lived like one. Even though theres white people around me didnt mean i didnt know what is was like to be black. My family is Black! Ever since i moved into the suburbs i had adversity from white and black kids. They have no issues making you feel "different". It didnt take long until i was called a nigger in front of an entire classroom by a boy that felt like i didnt belong there. I was the token black person. If you are around nothing but white people how do you learn how to act black???

It wasnt until middle school when i was exposed to more black peers. By this point i had been influenced by white culture. I was excited to see more people that looked like me, unfortunately black kids at my school wasnt kind to me either. They tried to beat me up, made fun of me everyday, excuded me from many things, all because i acted too "white". So to blacks im not black enough and to whites im too black for them. Theres nothing worse than not knowing where you fit in. So what does a young person do? Be whatever you have to be to fit in, learn to adapt to any group of people. I felt like a chameleon, constantly changing myself to seem normal to others. When i go home its the only place i felt like myself. I listened to rock, because of my sister, and gangsta rap because of my brother. I was always influenced by no 2 same things at the same time. Back then i felt weird for it, but as the years go by you get sick of trying to be what others want you to be and having to explain to them why i do things they dont do. its too much work. So when you get sick of justifying who you are you simply realize you are fucking AMAZING and ACCEPT YOURSELF!!

I will be everything mixed into one and not feel bad about it anymore. If someone calls me weird i will say thank you with a smile. If a black person says i talk white i will say "no i speak properly", If a white person says im acting super black for when i get mad i will say "no i am upset and ready to slap the shit out of you like the next person, anger has no color". I enjoy being the only person like me, its what makes me unique and if someone doesnt accept me for me than they are closed minded and dont deserve to have me in their life. A person that loves and cares for you should like you for who you are and should never make you feel uncomfortable for it.

Be who you wanna be folks! If you have issues with how you look if you cant change it then ACCEPT it and embrace it. Every day we get older so how you look today is gonna be the best you will ever look. When you get old and wrinkled you will wish you appreciated your looks during your youth. Theres no such thing as acting one race or another, everyone has been exposed to different things in life which makes them who they are, not color. Wear whatever the hell you want, listen to the music you want, Act HOW YOU WANT!!! Theres no wrong way to be except for not being you! Fitting in isnt important, being yourself is. Who are you??? Only you have the answer for that.

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